it goes as fast as it comes

well more in response to my last post, i think i got owned rather bad in my own definitions dat is.........well thankfully i never stay in a state for too long............by the way, did i really sound like very emo in the last post? lol ruth said i sounded quite emo or sumtin along dat line......oh wells anyway i actually feel very much relieved i actually gotten down to making dat post, cos not onli did it help me to air some pent up thoughts, it also helped me in some ways to think more objectively for things as they were.........and i also dun see a point of staying emo for too long, wads the use of wallowing in self pity and feeling worthless, altho i think its necessary but onli for awhile ;p


well i have thus managed to rethink my thots and re-evaluate y i think i like you (or you or you or you or you or you or you haha! colourful like a rainbow......o_O).......i think i dunno you well enough, if at all so i shall jus shelf it for now....i also dunno wad to do with all these mixed feelings even if i had them concrete and fixed in........thinking it thru i feel dat i dun need to live my life just for a girl or any girl for dat matter.......(dat is until the next time i get this kinda crazy feelings again hahaha......) BUT with dat said and done, its like quite hard to get out of the rut of feeling emo and sorry for urself cos its almost too easy to jus give in and sink in again especially when the trying's so hard as always, i guess it has to be a change of perspective like probably seeing somebody whose problems are way bigger than urs and their not complaining and stuff then its like u almost feel ashamed to even utter a word of complaint cos even their silence will mock u at how small ur problems are compared to theirs......well eleanor ho posted something about frenships so since im lazy to quote, i'll jus copy and paste the whole thing here.........here it is.........


People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season...

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

mayb eleanor might be right you might be in my life for a reason or season for now heh.....whatever it is i'm not going to think so much and jus continue trying actively to get out of my rut for good........

i jus wish there was something that i can be quite sure God wants me to do with my life, with my singlehood, with my time, my energies and really pour myself out there, being useful serving and also receiving in many ways........to me i think yf has more or less ceased to be dat for me, if it ever was in the first place.........


feels like the yf dat i grew to know since the time i first joined yf in like the last yf of 2003 till now, its like way different la.....when i first joined yf, i felt the atmosphere was a very warm one....and i remember i got to noe alot of ppl from zion dat i knew existed by face but i didnt noe their names then......(lets see let me try and recollect my thots from where i left off but actually its quite impossible i feel).....back then when i first joined, there were ppl like david heng, linus koe, (mrs) ecashia (jacob), serene lee, delia foo, rachel yeo, gracia yong (for some time i think), michelle fong and ella came too, oh ya and alot of ppl their age too like jeanette, amanda, sharon, sarabelle (for some time i remember).......but of course like now, most of them have stopped coming due to various reasons, some have probably gone to other churches and are mayb serving there, some have gone overseas to study and yet some are still in singapore but they have stopped coming for yf and stuff and sometimes i really wonder y, is yf sucha draining place dat there's no meaning in continuing to come or wad? In fact thinking about it i cant tell y i still bother to come for yf nowadays.....honestly i think i come for the fellowship i think cos dats wad sets yf apart from any other secular youth gathering but sometimes i feel dat the fellowship is very much lacking so hence the questions why do i bother to come in the first place? to see my frens? to be honest, there are not much or very little ppl my age in yf lol......too many atimes i wish i could have joined yf with a bunch of frens my age, it probably would have made my stay in yf more concrete and i would probably not be typing this rite now........i think timmy is rite, im probably 'seah ghor' ready.....cos he was talking to me briefly about phasing some youths into yf and i told him i needed to be phased in too haha.......but i guess he is rite, the fire is probably very much gone or belittled already by now.......



oh wells i dunno wad to continue ranting on heh.....so i guess i'll stop here and mayb (most probably) escape into my own world of playing games, i've been doing dat everytiem i have a holiday from camp haha.....well this will probably be my last post before i can totally wait to jus collect my pink ic lol cause i will be having a atp shoot this saturday and sunday then monday i'll be cleaning arms......after all dat i will come back on monday evening or earlier perhaps then all the way until 12th i will be on leave and off etc, then 12th i will be known as mister daniel lee again! whoo! cant wait for it....for now i will take refuge in games haha.......sorry i feel abit anti-social nowadays cos i dunno how to interact with alot of ppl anymore..........=|

living life for love makes life more interesting

whew i am quite mad.......i first started blogging this post on 10/04/2009, at 0206 now and im blogging jus cos i feel like blogging....over the years i guess my blog has come to become a refuge if not a venting medium for me to jus let go of my emotions, thoughts, crap and wad not.....somehow i think dat some ppl may have been hurt or offended by wad i have wrote, altho my natural response is to probably apologise, i think i probably wont until i noe of any such cases (seriously, if there ever is such a case, please do speak to me privately about it).......cos i value the honesty i can have on my blog.....even if mayb sometimes (alot of the times) i feel dat i share way too much for even my own comfort......


well i've been thinking of blogging about this for quite awhile, jus dat i never got down to it somehow, procrastinating, doing many things dat really dun matter....so many things dat really consume my time and energy and all......im on a cleansing passage if u would like to purge all these bad habits
(continued on 13/04/2009 at 0055 hrs)
and actually return to a more or less normal state i guess.....cant remember the original thots dat first came to me when i was blogging dat statement.........


well down to the point of y i started this post in the first place........

last time i said dat i feel you might like me and mayb also not......but then again i wouldnt noe wad to do with your love if it was ever there, ever more than a relationship called friendship........even though i feel i've been WANTING it so much.......

(hur aunty mabel taught the little kids the difference between needs and wants, it was a timely reminder for me dat no matter how much i want to get attached, have someone to love etc, its not so much of a NEED i guess.....cant really confirm it myself......oh wells its jus speculations for now.......)

well that was all many what ifs in my head.....what if you like me? (then i start imagining the possibilities, dream on until i reach parenthood, well they're jus dreams nonetheless......) what if you did this and/or dat because you like me? .......then reality kicks in and i tell myself, DEY UR THINKING TOO MUCH LA.......kk mayb i will wait until you are past a certain age or mayb i will jus wait it out and see if anything 'happens' between us cos afterall time is the best test of any relationship.......then somehow out of the blue you jus mention to me we're betta off being frens close as siblings.......then its jus like something clicks and i jus decide to properly let it go before i fall too deep for recovery, and i feel it is actually a relief finding out the answer.......i mean at least its an answer i can be quite convicted and sure of, instead of finding myself hanging in mid air, not knowing what to do and all........


i see you around in church, i talk to you a few times and i suan you as well (i suan almost everyone i noe, so mayb dats the point, it'll be harder to guess who she is im refering to and hopefully she doesnt come across this blog entry and think/know/guess its her im talking about)......actually i must admit i dun really noe whether i like you or not.......my feelings are jus in a grey whirl heh, nothing is concrete, for all i noe i may be the one orchestrating all these feelings inside of me when actually it may not be anything at all......mayb you were brought up in a certain way dat makes you do things i might misinterpret as showing fondness or dat care for me more than jus frens......recently i saw a picture of you and your outside frens and i realised i dun really noe you dat much, i dunno you as much as i think i do, i dunno you much actually full stop, i dun really noe wad are your favorite colour, food etc (eh a thot jus came to me dat i actually dunno alot of ppl's fav food, colour etc, the onli ppl's favs i remember are titus's and andrew's, oh wells all the betta for me)......should i even be considering you in the first place is probably wad drives me nuts.........


i want concrete answers!!!! y doesnt God just plonk the person ur supposed to be with rite in front of ur eyes, or for dat matter the choices of ur life partner (because i remember reading from somewhere or sth dat God doesnt limit ur future life partner to a singular person, meaning ya la of cos He knows who ur ultimately going to marry (He is God wad) but dat choice of the life partner is actually chosen from a group of people, depending on the life choices u make, ur upbringing and so many other factors only God knows.......argh even if He tells me "u shall be single the rest of ur life......" i am actually fine with dat, at least its an answer! rite now i think if i was called to be single all my life i would actually be happy to serve God with my talents, abilities, my body, my time and energy etc.........of course its easier to say it than do it i guess, when the time comes i dunno wad my response will be........will i be caught unawares, kicking and screaming at God for why He allowed this to happen to me? i never noe.........


i guess i will jus do the thing i am just too accustomed to do...........wait it out and see if anything 'happens'......guess God's will will be done no matter what so u/i might as well submit to it and just go with His flow lur.......kinda like a suck thumb situation but oh wells.......His will is the best u can get for ur life so i guess i take comfort in dat.......but honestly i would like to know the answer as soon as possible.......any answer would suffice to pacify me, to curb my thoughts and emotions from running wild at the slightest hint dat you like me or your concerned about me...........and lastly i dun want to 'get together with' you jus because you are the onli choice i have for now, it will make me feel i do certain things cos i am feeling desperate, which i am not and never want to be...........thus this post i guess, i jus felt i had to get it off my chest and now dat the pressure is out i feel betta without even the situation changing, blogging is and will always be a therapeutic outlet for me i guess.......i really value the honesty i can have on my blog though i regret some things not being private......its late im tired and sian-ded, i havta scrub off all the mud from my shirt and pants from frisbee jus now.........we all had a great time playing even though the field was quite muddy and wet siao man, 7 on 8 all guys match, super exciting.......nicholas chan from one of the combined bp churches brought like 10+ ppl (yfc wants to outreach to) to play with jerry, yi tao, shaun kiu and i so damn shiok la........now i havta scrub off the mud and stuff myself before i go sleep sians.......oh wells all for the fun's sake, it was so worth it........will post pictures of my dirty pants and shirt next time i guess......


P.S. to all the people who visit my blog every once in awhile, if u read this, i would really like to know why u bother to visit/read my blog? really i cant think of any reason why anyone would want to read my blog or visit for dat matter haha, to play with my cyber pet? lol.....no but seriously i would like to noe, email me or sumtin or u can leave comments or tag if u dun find the reason too private, i'll jus like to noe nonetheless.....thanks......(i trust i dun have to put this in red to get ur attention, if u read this please jus comply heh)........


rachelll : haha true true.......no problem....but actually i didnt do much......i really meant wad i said today, u do look healthier and mayb happier.....


ET: alien head.....y is ur head so round lol......eh i will reply ur questions when im free la......very ma fan leh so many questions.....


tracy mophead kee: lol hurhur....sorry lur.....got so many things to do and occupy my time when i book out or on leave la......writing letter must sit down and slowly think about wad to reply la....relax, the reply will come when it comes haha (hopefully).....