well its been almost a month of slacking, since i got back my pink IC........well in case u didnt already noe i ORD-ed on the 12th of may 2009, a whole 1 yr 10 mths of national slavation they call ur duty to the country...........i mean im all for soldiering to protect my country and the ppl i care for but its jus the singapore regimentation system nothing but sucks.......heh im sure every soldier who has gone thru regimentation, one way or another, no matter wad post he had/has, no matter wad vocation he was/is in.............
all i can is i have come a long way and like army has definitely changed me in ways i cannot even fathom or imagine.......but i guess the change that i myself can tell dat i speak of now.....
- i feel i am a not so happy and jovial person as before i went in (i may not show it many atimes but still its there i realise), to some extent NS did take away more than a few times of being able to meet up with frens, staying for dat much longer at appointments.........not dat im bitter or anything but jus reflecting on dat.......but of cos i wish i could have made it for all those ag outings and stuff where i could have gotten dat much closer to everyone in the ag.......haha but dats like a kinda regret dat even u want oso cant suck thumb lol, make do with wad u have now lol......=|
- i guess the usual jovialness and craziness was replaced with a more sober note, and mayb cos there was a period of time not too long ago, dat i wasnt very regular with my daily QT, in fact more irregular than not.......dat everything seemed to be jus crashing down.......i cannot tell if there is a direct relation between doing QT and like being so affected by the things around you for now but i can see the difference in the way certain things affect me when im facing them, the contrast between keeping close to God and not.....i guess its the perspective......
- have i mentioned it too many times dat i feel everything has changed? dats the thing of not being able to talk to the ppl u normally talk to i guess...........all of a sudden u feel dat they are somehow changed, like yesterday u feel u now them and yet the next day they seem like strangers to u.......then u havta get thru the whole process of getting to know them seemingly all over again......
- then also from the army experience u really meet all sorts of people (some of whom i would like to forget asap and not get myself angry at them but dats not the point is it).......not only does it widen ur experience of the outside world, it also take inter-personal skills to a whole new level la......
- from army there is alot of cursing even though i tried my very best to control my tongue, i learnt i still had to use mild vulgarities to get my point across or make a stand for sumtin in the army.....i admit i did use abit here and there even tho not as much as my other frens but like yeah i feel dat impact is brought out even to the civilian world, when ppl make me angry or do sumtin in injustice to me or like something random jus happens to mess up, the first thot of mine is to curse under my breath.......God knows i have used vulgarities under my breath too many times for counting, sometimes i feel like scolding my frens mildly but i catch myself and not slip up, but the first thot prevail..........i need a total revamp to get rid of this indoctrination from the army, only with God's help.....
- also, with power of rank in the army, coming out into the civilian world once again, u subconsciously have the expectation dat ppl are supposed to do wad u tell them if wad ur telling them to do is rite (mayb in ur eyes only but still), its so different sometimes, like society is not bound by much rules (to a certain extent), as long as its not offending the law, anything goes, whereas in the army there are so many (too many) rules to guide u by, there is a system which most NSFs have to follow.........
- did i mention dat quite abit of army technical lingo stays with u........haha sometimes hard for others who haven experience army to understand without proper explanation........phrases like suck thumb etc other crude phrases too jus dat its not normally used in public.....
- sometimes i find its a culture shock dat after ORD-ing from the army cos after being so used to having rules, guidelines, documentations, paperwork etc to guide u so dat more or less u know wad u can do, which path u will be going on, and likewise the opposites, the boundaries and limitations of ur actions........outside, as i said anything goes, call it too long not being able to think for urself (we'll get punished in the army if u think too radically i have realised), but like making choices on ur own and bearing the consequences can be quite scary and daunting.......i jus applied for mass comm at murdoch, and cos like they dun offer radio d-jing in singapore campus (yet, dunno when it will arrive), they onli offer it in perth so like thinking if i should go over to study for a sem or sumtin (the fees are quite exorbitant la! $10+K for like 3 months! inclusive of lodging, tuition, food etc, its alot of money).......besides dat i had to choose my majors even before anything started la.....choosing majors for ur degree is so scary cos like u dunno wad ur getting urself into......had to do alot of reading (some last min too) on like so many topics......i read like at least 20 wiki topics i think......well now dat its all done with, next up is my intensive bridging modules which is like 1 month long only but like every week there will be one thurs (7-10), sat and sun (9-5) then the following wednesday is the test ready.....siao damn chiong la.......well worry about dat later......i thank God for giving me peace somewhat despite the scariness of the situation......
so dats about all i can think of for now.....but i guess there will be more changes than im willing to note or remember mayb? but the change is very prevalent (to me at least), the damage if any has been done, hopefully 2 yrs or so of national service hasnt done any irreversible damage........yea its been a memorable journey to say the least, even tho i would say i regret some things i have done, resented some punishments i got, the frens i have made all around are Generally quite a good bunch and i hope to keep in contact with them.......after going thru armyp personally then u'll get a chance to appreciate and mayb understand better wad the army guys go thru, the trials, the temptations, the difficulties, the everything, the army experience haha........its beyond words can ever describe (cos too much info can get u charged under the official secrets act heh but dats besides the point), or at least i dunno how to put it for public understanding, of cos i'll still remember wad was going thru my mind and all the great experiences i had in army when i read this several yrs down the road............dats all about freedom for now....
some people are jus way too excited about the church camp which is coming up jus tml or later in like 5 hrs time (groans how i wake up then)........i jus dunno wad to think about the camp......i mean im a discussion group leader with david chua of the younger guys, i think it should be fine la........jus relax and talk cock la......there is jus a certain part im not not looking forward to, i dunno the free and easy time in camp how siah........cos like the couples in my ag will be together then cant be i tag along and lite up the place huh........then like everyone else seems to have their own clique and stuff, guess i'll jus tag along with some of the people in my ag hopefully they go out if not stay in the hotel all the way and sleep is not my idea of free and easy, i can do dat at home la........or even if they all wanna stay in the hotel all the way, if there's games then not so bad i guess......hmm woohoo I HAVEN PACKED MY BAG YET.......one kind of last minute huh ;) jus now i was playing guitar, jus looking back to God despite feeling abit moody cos of things......well i guess i'll go pack now and get some sleep.........siao man but i slept jus now (i think) so not so bad i guess.........blog more when i get back la........
