i choose happiness

well i cant really say i am a person who is very happy cause normally i'm not.........i guess i like to mope esp when im unhappy........i think too much about too many unnecessary things as well so thus things like this add to my unhappiness........i feel the graph of happiness generally dips in the lower region most of the time and i hardly am able to stay happy quite abit of the time..........

ok i admit this post was started at a time when i was feeling very sian and its more a build up of many things dat are not satisfactory to me at dat time dat really made me more prone to mope....... wad really made me want to chose happiness is cause i volunteered to be one of the carolers at bishan home some time earlier this december.......i went there to sing of course but wad really impacted me was seeing the joy and passion of one of the aunties from the chinese/cantonese service when she was singing on stage (together with the rest of the 'canto choir' haha oops)......the aunty was wearing red haha i still remember......i could tell from her face dat she was very happy to be singing and her face also told em dat she had the passion to serve God in dat area.......dat sorta got me thinking, if one aunty who is probably 3 times my age at least, who has gone thru so much more than me, can still be so happy at her age, what right have i, this 20 yr old teen to mope? it really seems very easy and logical to say this on hindsight but i oso understand how when ur facing some problem(s) in ur life, dats the only thing u will think about........but yeah i really thank God for speaking to me in such small and minute ways........

now im much betta ready....i feeel quite good now, mayb cos things are going more smoothly in the army, its not shiong to me (training is jus [free] training up my body to me) for now, its still bearable, in fact it has almost always been bearable to me............and also some of the things bothering me are more or less solved or i have gotten a more clear cut answer which satisfies me rite now........i dun think so much nowadays, partly becos i dun hav the free time to think about so many unnecessary things which is great......i also feel closer to God nowadays cause i've been able to do my QT more regularly (there was one period of time dat i missed quite a few days, still trying to catch up as of now....)....i dunno if dat has anything to do with feeling or not but i really feel God has drawn me closer to Him now.........

now then i noe (i dunno how many times i have said this)....when ur in the army, u really feel so detached from the world......u literally dunno wads going on in there unless some ppl take the effort to update u once in awhile......its nice to hav ppl to actually reply msges to every once in awhile lol.....and its like u spend so much time staying in dat all u are really looking forward to is getting out for the weekend, or even getting out jus for the nite to take a look at the outside civilisation........but the paradox is dat when we all get out, we really dun have any clue on wad to do lol.......really! and its quite sian sometimes....mayb its cos of the very short time we spend outside as well........

oh wells i dun hav much to post about, except dat i hav been posted to armour training institute.....so next time i would know how to drive a tank around for war (if there ever is in the first place)........so my beret is a black colour beret (to hide the grease, oil and dirt so they say)........i seasoned it quite abit and i really like it cause i feel like there's quite abit of pride in wearing a black beret even tho alot of ppl say its shiong........and i think its very handsome summore, black, quite a cool colour heh......i hear its one of the elites besides sof, commandos and guards........woah sense of pride man..........i really love wearing the beret around (for now), so proud of it haha but we didnt havta do anything to earn our beret which is abit of a waste..........oh yeah i had an ippt trial test today and i would have gotten gold for ippt if not for my missing the timing by 0.1 sec........alot of ppl really pity me.....but oh wells to me i jus suck thumb la, i noe myself........if i cant run i cant run.......i think i didnt really push myself today and i really didnt have the mental strength to carry on running endlessly on the track, its really boring lol sian......now its time to go soak my clothes and then go to sleep.....till next update...............