measure of a man

• i am proud of my looks, dat i think i look at least 'average'........
  
  
• i am proud of my body, of the standard i have built up since secondary skool days where i was a canoeist.....
  
  
• i am proud of my fitness level at times esp when im the one running around way more than others, reaching a destination dat much faster than others........
  
  
• i am proud when i score well in basketball, like a good assist or sumtin........
  
  
• i am proud when i score in frisbee or do good blocking..........
  
  
• i am happy when i have friends to talk to online, when more than 2 or 3 ppl msg me constantly (but dat doesnt happen often sadly)
  
  
• i am happy to jus (have been) be able to canoe and represent my (secondary) skool for dat.....
  
  
• i am proud to have enough to eat, and also to afford some small seemingly expensive things here and there, to own a phone, mp3 player, a camera, shoes among other stuff of MY OWN........
  
  
• i am proud when i play well in floorball, like defending and scoring and making good connecting passes..........
  
  
• i am proud to have a complete family (even though its seemingly dysfunctional at times i think, like any normal family)...........
  
  
• i am proud dat i fit in okay on a social level (ok most of the times, i may not be the most popular but im tolerated well enough if i dun say anything off or wad).........
  
  
• i am happy and proud when i play well on the guitar in any setting...........
  
  
• i am proud dat i can hold a tune okay enough........
  
  
• i am proud when the things dat im serving in goes well, without the kids misbehaving or sumtin like dat etc.........
  
  
• i am proud dat i can talk well to a certain standard.........

at the end of the day with all dat said and done, regardless or whether its true or not, or if its jus my own boosting of ego, what actually is the measure of a man? 

• by wad car he drives? 
  
  
• by wad house he owns? 
  
  
• by how much money he has?
  
  
• by how beautiful the bride he has?
  
  
• by the latest phones or gadgets he jus bought?
  
  
• by the brands of his apparel(s)?
  
  
• by how nice he dresses?
  
  
• by how nice he is even?
  
  
• or by his strength of character?

the list could go on and on for the men (and women) of today......the real question is "Is meaning and purpose so necessary for the modern man dat he searches endlessly, trying as hard as he possibly humanly can to quench his thirst of being satisfied?" so then what really defines a man? i feel that to a certain extent men's worth or wad defines him is a very little bit of the things he does well, a very little bit of the things he owns, cos afterall if not for all those things here and there, we could arguably be void of identity wouldnt we? 

its easy to noe dat all the temporal things of this world DO NOT define me or anyone for dat matter.........but the constant struggle i face is letting go of all dat the world uses to define people and to look at them in different lights, on one hand i noe they are not supposed to take so much precedence in my life, and dat this shouldnt matter much when i look at people but one part of me jus cant let go because i noe dat realistically speaking i would feel lost and kinda without identity without the things dat define me for now, like sporting ability, playing the guitar etc........i noe i really cannot count on those things or even relationships and friendships to bring me satisfaction cos since i have gone into the army i realise dat things change and the whole world moves on too quickly even though ur stuck in a standstill, contemplating wad to do next......one moment u could be great frens with someone but like after a period of not being able to talk to dat person u probably lose contact with dat person, u dunno wad dat person is doing, how they are getting on and i noe from my own experience its probably very hard if not impossible to get back to dat level of closeness which u once were with dat person.............

then it boils down to ultimately "who or what actually defines who you are?" needless to say the politically correct answer should be "God" alone la but how to let go on the material things u hold onto jus to hold onto something you cannot see or fathom? when things are going well its easy to hold onto God and to trust Him and all but its like when nothing seems to be going rite and u feel down cos u didnt do so well for dat particular match or u said something u shouldnt have said etc, (these are jus examples) but wad really shapes our identity? How to really trust God for your future? even when things dun look the slightest bit good.......how to convince ur human self dat all dat matters is wad God thinks of u when all around u the world tries its utmost best (and sometimes it succeeds) in convincing u dat u should chase after the highest qualification, the best job, the nicest car, the most expensive nice clothes and shoes........"because ultimately you deserve the best" could be part of their taglines for their products.........the struggle is clinging onto God even when there is no tangible evidence dat He is working 'the best' for u in ur life, the knowing dat wad u think is best for ur life might not necessarily be wad God has planned..........does being convinced of this stem from your own intellect, feelings and emotions telling u "this is the thing u should believe cos jus believe lol, somewhere in the bible says this but i dunno where........." or can trusting God wholly only come from somewhere in the depths in my heart, in my soul (whereever or whatever dat really is).........i jus have to trust in God cos no matter whad, i believe one day He will bring the best for me in my life to come to pass.........mayb he is stripping me of all the temporal things i am clinging onto to give me meaning and worth, to show me dat my only meaning and worth is in Him alone even though its nothing i can explain, fathom or nothing tangible for now........

i think my thots might seem abit scattered and mayb even  to the point of random in this post.......wad to do, im doing so many things at once, listening to music, blogging, msn chatting, watching tv beside the com, checking mail and other things lol....im too lazy to read thru and edit ready so i'll jus leave it at dat for some other time........feddup ruthless and charissa also say im emo o_O im not emo!!! i wanna go sleep now as well so i shall end here -->.